Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Does the GOD exist?

I have several times discussion about the existence of the God with several of my friends.
This time, I'll try to answer one of statements that intends to refuse the existence of the God.
I call IT as the God, and it doesn't limit from a belief that believes with multiple Gods/gods.

One day, there is a man, called Bob, that wants his hair and beard are trimmed such that it looks better.
Therefore, he goes to a barbershop.
During the barber, called Charlie, does his task, they involve in a discussion about many things and one of them is about the existence of the God.

Bob says, "I don't believe if the God exist"
Charlie says, "How come? don't you see many of his creations?"
Bob says, "Mmm, but as you see.... if the God is merciful and beneficent then how come so many people are in hunger and stay in poverty and sick".
Charlie says,"So ?"
Bob says, "So there is no such thing that we call God. Even there is so He is not as nice as we think because He lets it happens".
Charlie is silent and try not to oppose the Bob's opinion.

After everything finished, Charlie pays the fee and leaves the barbershop.
While he is standing in front of the barbershop, he sees a beggar with awful hair and bread.
Suddenly, Charlie shouts, "I do believe that there is no barber in this world".
Surely, Bob feels offended about that statements.
Bob responses, "I'm a barber and I exist, so you're totally wrong".
Charlie says, "If he exists why there is people with awful hair and bread? even he stays exactly in front of a barbershop."
Without any further comments, Charlie goes continuing his day.

Lesson learnt, Barber exists but a beggar doesn't come to him to trim his hair, and if there is a beggar.
In the case of God, THIS THING exists and we just need to come and ask HIM for help.
are we so arrogant such that we still demand that the God helps us even we don't tell him what we want?

before I thought that
if the GOD exists then there is no poverty
and I think this premise is too strong
so I refine it: if the God exists and we ask HIM for help then there is no poverty dfd
Further question:
how about if we have already asked HIM a help ?
[thinking in progress]

Tuesday, December 05, 2006


What does it mean Resilience system?
does it enough by measuring.... using availability?????

Need an answer??? :(

Availability and Reliability

Those words.. in common passwords in secure and dependable system (i.e., critical system).

In Avizenis et al. [TSDC,2004]
- Availability : the readiness of the system to provide a correct service
- Reliability : the continuity of the system to provide a correct service

based on these definitions, it seems both properties are going in the same polarity. [Hypothesis] For instance, if a system is highly available then it means the system is also reliable.

However, I don't believe about that because if there is an attribute/a property is a subset of another than we shouldn't measure the system with both properties.
At least it is belief in Decision Science community.

In software engineering, we always have them (i.e., reliability and availability) as non-functional requirements, and we can assess how good the system using how is the achievements of the system towards its NFRs.
So if the hypotheses are correct than we should drop one of them (either reliability or availability)


They explain how both property are related but the are not going in the same polarity or direction.
They have intersection between them but not sub-set (as my hypothesis).
Moreover, in [1] it states that reliability is the part in calculating availability.
Availability is refined as the probability that a system is not failed or undergoing in maintenance when it needs to be used.
Reliability just represents the probability of a system will operate when it needs to be used.

Reliability doesn't take into account the fact that a system can have a failure/downtime.
It only measures the number of failure within certain period, or probability of having failure within a certain period of time.

Availability takes into consideration how much time that is necessary to make the system back into operate mode anymore.
Availability = Uptime / (Uptime + Downtime)

MTTF stands for Mean-Time-To-Failure, it means how much is the average of time between failures
MTTR stands for Mean-Time-To-Repair, means how much is the average of time to repair the system for a failure

But we can simply remove reliability and it can be represented in availability because
Availability of a system can be decreased even when the reliability of the system is constant. It is because the MTTR is increased or the other way around.

So.. I hope you all understand what is the difference between two properties

In IEEE Transaction in Secure and Dependable Computing, [Avizenis, 2004] defines that dependability of a system are characterized as: availability, reliability, integrity, and maintainability.

so my next question.. I think we can derive availability from reliability + maintainability
;-) ... still think

But the next question

Tuesday, November 21, 2006


I don't know, maybe I don't want to know, WHY I'm very full energy and seems happy aura around me.
I like it.
Maybe because less than a month I'll be in my hometown with all my families, my old friends and INDONESIAN FOODS.

I wish I can do all my to do lists here before my departure, so I can have a peaceful holiday

Indonesia GUYS, please please give me your cellphones, I'll call you as soon as I settle down there

See you.. :D

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Move on

Move on...
it is the WORD that we ofthe hear when we fail to achieve something.

but why?? we do not to keep fighting to achieve it....
Who knows that the current failure is just a temporary.. and not the permanent one?
Maybe we have limited-energy for fighting due to other activities.

Even I have limited-energy, limited-time and other limitation... but all these limitations are established by our mind..... so if somehow we can deal with our mind.. then we always have energy even the little one.

Don't excuse that you must move on... because you don't have energy and time to do it.
We will move on... when we want it and give up your disire ... and there is no other reason

People will move on for improve their lives or maybe just for survival.

Shall I move on now??
Why I "pack my stuff" even I don't want to move on?? :(

Friday, October 06, 2006


Do you believe that everything has a limit?
maybe the limit has established only in your mind, and it doesn't exist in the reality.

Please.. give me a hint.....

Friday, September 15, 2006

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

"Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer and when i wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

Friday, September 08, 2006


Yestarday, I was feeling awful and extreamly exhausted.
I don't know what are the reasons of it.... :-(

While I'm in that kind of condition ... always .. REMEMBER... of something
and I wish I have it.. so I can reveal mine to the something itself.

I wish someday.. I can treat my GOD as the something and not HIS Creature, but until today it hasn't applied yet.

Fiuh... I wish.. ____

Tuesday, September 05, 2006


Today, I was fine..
when I see .. suddenly I'm feeling sad
it is not because of my fail or anything related on me..
but because I saw something that is not inplace and I couldn't do anything to help.

Sometimes.. two hands are wide enought to make a destruction in the world but frequently, it is too small to help the people. Moreover, if it is the one that special for you.

Sad because can't do anything
Sad because can't see her smile
Sad because of my weakness

I hate being limited people.

So, I understand why Lex Luthor chooses to live as it is and doesn not change being a humble guy. He think that by having money... he can do everything to help Lana Lang.

But I won't be a Lex... I wanna be YUDIS because I hope my own destiny... :(

Sunday, September 03, 2006


Hwaaaaa the summer has ended.. ;(
So the party will end also..
now I need to start everything.. there is nothing can be left behind....

Carry on all and perform as good as I can
After a long vacation (i.e., working with half capacity), I need to run to reach the end.

Wish me luck...

And I hope you all are lucky also

Bismillah hiraman nirahhim

Friday, August 25, 2006


Actually, these days.... I put a tracker on my blog in such way I can know where are the readers coming from, and I hope I can deduce who are you....

but most of the it I couldn't,.... :(
kindly of you if you shout for my sake... so I can know you.

As Asian Quote:
" You never care somebody.. if you doesn't know them"

Learn from Butterfly

A Caterpillar has already became a beautiful butterfly
None in this world will disgust again with it
Everybody is greatful to see it and always wonders with the colors

We remember that a beautiful butterfly is used to be a disgusting caterpillar.
After some suffers, it becames one of the most beautiful creatures.

Egg --> Caterpillar --> Pupa --> Butterfly
so it is really look like our life

Loss --> Suffer --> Wake Up --> Happy

The nice observation of this novel is:
  1. The time in butterfly phase is a lot smaller than the other phase, it is the same with happy;
  2. After the metamorphosis, the other can get the advantage, namely cocoon (i.e., especially silk). It is the same when we can overcome our problem, hopefuly somebody can take a lesson learned of it.
I think today... I can say that I have done all my "contemplation" and I can conlude what I need to do, and start enjoy my life again.

  • Never expect something as a return, then you'll never be regret
  • Learn from the mistakes is the best way to learn, for me... learn for the others mistakes is even better. ;-)
Learn learn LEARN lEARN and it won't be enough.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Move default location of "special" FOLDER in XP


As you know, the most effective medicine for the sickness that is suffered by Windows XP is "REINSTALL".
Several times, my sys-admin in my place suggests to reinstall my windows when I face un-solvable problem.
Mmmm somehow this approach is right.. and most of the time is effective to cure the sickness.

But before we do reinstall, the first rule is BACK-UP your data first.....
Mmmmmm but how about if XP crashes before we have a chance to back the data...???
There is a nice TIPS:
"Separate your data from the program by placing in the other partition, instead of C:\"

But I'm lazy because each time I download I need to change the directory first and save it there.
Then, my approach is:
It'd be nice if My Documents folder is placed in D:\, instead of C:\Documents and Settings\%username%....
and due to my habbit placing the recent download in Desktop (C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Desktop), I want those folders are moved to other partion.

After googling: huplaaaa
We can modify the registry

HKEY_CURRENT_USER\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\Windows\ CurrentVersion\Explorer\Shell Folders

and all my wishes come true.
I can change default location of My Documents, My Pictures, Desktop ... mmmmm

so if I need to REINSTALL XP then I just do it... and surely my date will be safe in the other partition.
Ask google before asking dumb question ;-)

Saturday, August 19, 2006


Lately, I put
SMILE and the worlds becomes better..
below of my signature in gmail mai. Actually, I'm not really sure about the validity that quote.

Today, I'm sure ...
Face everything with smile... because what happens to us has already been defined by HIM.
When HE decides about something than nothing can change it and never be changed.
So... face it
As believer, I believe it is the best for me, even most of the time, it is not the one that I want.

There is an amazon lays betweem the best one and the desired one.
Why there is no logical consequence about those concepts, life is easier if HE designs us always thought that we desiere the best one (desired -> best) or vice versa (best -> desired)

Smile in your face can give me a support even sometimes it is fake smile.
Once you can't smile event the fake one, then you don't have anything more.. to recover... and fall down until the bottom.

Another reason, why we shall smile if facing anything even the bad condition.
It because anything that happes to us that has been designed for use such that we can overcome. HE never gives something that beyond of our capabilities.
If it doesn't kill you than it'll make you stronger.

The last one, you shouldn't share any bad aura to others. By smiling, so you can cover up your sadness, and it won't make the others (of course, that care about you) worry

SMILE because we're always capable to do it, no matter happens

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Wireless battery charger for mobile gadgests

This summer , when I went to Denmark I needed another bag just to carry on all my charger.
As you know, I'm gadget mania...
More than 6 types of chargeer are laid in my backpack, and all of them has different power cords.
Why there is so many standards for power and all the gadgets implements their own power cord.
Moreover, you can see how is my charger in bag looks like, it looks like a bowl of noodle so many cables and they're scrambling arround.

Today, I've read status one of my friend (read: Rendo EL'99) about his wish of having wireless charger. I've heard this idea ages ago, thus I try to googling those keywords and ... walaaaaa

Japan, NTT-DoCoMo, has already implemented the idea in Panasonic mobile phone.
It's cool isn't it...
You have a charger for everything and you just need to place all your gadgets on top a special pad.

Laptop, MP3, Camera, Mobile phone, PDA, and any batteries will be charged immidietly.

I wish many tech. provider will implement this concept, s.t. I don't need to fill my bag with several chargers when I do travelling.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

What have I got to do to make you love me
What have I got to do to make you care
What do I do when lightning strikes me
And I wake to find that you're not there

What do I do to make you want me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I say when it's all over
And sorry seems to be the hardest word

It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word

What do I do to make you love me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I do when lightning strikes me
What have I got to do
What have I got to do
When sorry seems to be the hardest word

Thursday, August 10, 2006


More than 2 weeks, I don't remember her (in the sense miss her badly)

I think my way is working.. :P
delete all her number (incluidng home and cellphone) and hide the mail address. So it'd be difficult if I try to contact her.
Not contacting is the initial step to move on.

But today, I start remembering her anymore.. :-s
and since I'm in Trento it's easy for to find her contact adress that I hide.
But as soon as I find it, I realize that I shouldn't contact her, if I want her feels better.

KANGEN I hope you're OK


Wednesday, July 26, 2006


It is the nicest word that I have for the last several months.

Thanks for all Italian Companions that have arranged everything for tomorrow trip. I haven't done anything for this trip.... and maybe It is the first thing in my life.. I'm being a parasit... just taking from community and not giving anything.

Thanks for
Mary for arranging the flight, lodging, and review the plan
Roberto for arranging the plan and touristic object
Marco for booking the lodging
Marta for buying train ticket

and I aint do anything.. :( Cattivo

I hope after this event I can back to real Yudis
and not pretending smile even something miserable happens.

Like Cocoon that goes for meditaion for while before it achieves next steps of better life.
Maybe vacation on Denmark can bring the same philosophy.
We can learn from everything in the world, depending on the way we think about it.

Bismilla hirrahman nir rahim

Happiness is the aim of the human being life.
what is the happiness?? [hahaha that's the real question]

Tuesday, July 25, 2006


Today, we have a plan to arrange a dinner before everybody leaving for Summer Vacation.

Someone "special" is the one that has that initiative, that's very nice isn't it?

But unluckly, I have many things to be finished in two days.
I know my limit and my priority.

If I'm Yudis at several days ago.. so I'll skip my work and attending the dinner, and work like a hell afteward.

But, as I declare my self, that I need to change to move on and keep your priority and plan...
so I need to keep working til all things finish, and skip the dinner... :( [argghhhh]

Somehow, I don't agree with my decision but what can I do... the commandment has already declared and the word has already given. Man will be honored because what he says.

I wish she is upset (it means my existence is something) but she is understand with my situation.

Sorry..sorry sorry... sorry... :( WONDERFUL

Monday, July 24, 2006

Occhio non vede, cuore non fa male

That's another quote that I learn from the wonderful.

Many things we can do beyond our capability since we have a belief and a will.

If there is a will then there is a way
I can do many things as long as I still have a will or motivation to do so.

it is a feeling/a mental state that motivate you to do something. This thing comes from your sense (e.g., eyes, skins, ears, nose, etc).
It is a mental state/feeling. So, it is not necessary that is coming from the thought.

What are the sources of the motivation:
- any type of feelings: from hate until love
- any type of belief
- anythings

You do something because of you can or you want.
Ax1: doing --> can or want
You want to do something because you have motivation
Ax2: want --> motivation

Einstein said, "The nicest thing in the life is living for someone and not from someone"

because someone feels honorable to have X, then I'd do X
so I can say it is a motivation to do X

what happens if now, it embarrasses someone?
so I don't have a motivation anymore
P1: !motivation

I don't have any capability to end this.
P2: !capability <-> !can

Ax2: want -> motivation
!motivation -> !want (there is no motivation, means I shouldn't want anymore)

Ax1: doing -> can or want
!can and !want --> !doing

I think based on my logic I need to stop to do it.
And move on....
Today is 1 step, if tomorrow I keep doing it so at least becoming 2 steps.

Jika aku tak melihat maka mungkin lebih mudah aku tuk mulai melupakan dia.

Thanks for the last words WONDERFUL

Friday, July 21, 2006



Today, I feel bad.. :( even I stay in nice place for Summer School

Miss somebody... and even worse, we have a small roar before.. :( so it makes me even more uncomfortable.

No Phone Credit, so I can't do anything
No Internet Connection, once I have She is not online
No Internet Phone, because I lost my headset

Want to buy Phone Credit through internet, I can't because my credit card limit is reached after paying hotel for summer school.. :(

why they happen in the same time....
So "PERFECT" life.. :(

Friday, July 07, 2006

Thanks to the Earth

Hi the Earth,

I wish you can read this statement
[leave me a sign if you can read it, can the Earth write in Blog? hihihihi]

Thanks for everything....
For teach me:
How to behave
How to react
How to keep the principle things above of everything

And for nice time and opportunity also.
It's a long time, I live in your hold without any thanks, even implicitly.

As a human, I always live to exploit the Earth,
and now it's the time for the earth demanding.
Therefore, I'll be away for while to adjust everything in order to suit what your demand

you're really strong and I'm damn sure you're not weak at all.
Surely, I'm too Haughty to say all, directly
Sorry for that

Ego is necessary, but there is an amazon, even bigger, between having Ego and being Egoistic


mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm K****N pengen ketemu...
one day more...[always one day more in any point of the time]

You can do it.... :D

The capability of a man is unlimited if he wants.
It is the case also for the stupidity.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

JAMES BLUNT - You're Beautiful

My life is brilliant.
My life is brilliant.My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,'Cause I've got a plan.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,And I don't know what to do,'Cause I'll never be with you.
Yeah, she caught my eye,As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,Flying high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,And I don't know what to do,'Cause I'll never be with you.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

Monday, July 03, 2006


Once I have a feeling .....I failed to proceed it.
I have lost it in the last 2-3 years...
and now I have it... happy and feel relieve.

Actually, I've know she doesn't has the same feeling towards me, but I still go forward.
finally, Last night she speaks up and wants someting for me...
She wants me to end it....

because she wants and because of me
fiuh... back to the phase 8 months ago, close the feeling and life as YUDIS in the last 2 years

hihihihi That's a life

Monday, June 19, 2006

One and Half....

One and Half has already passed, but it still reminds in my mind... as fresh as a second ago.

Mmmm tonight, I try to being silent and let everything goes as well as it's never happended.
It's tough...and not impossible

Subject has already moved up successfully, and it is not the case for me... One and half months has already passed.. and the feeling are still there and moreover, it is one and half than before.

I shouldn't too hard to my self.... take it slowly and enjoy what is there.... and let the time becoming the advisory...

It's hard but not impossible... :D


Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Sehat ndak ya??

Semalem aku jalan lagi ama dia....
antara kangen, seneng, dan kehilangan...
anehlah rasanya .......

dia dah jelas nolak.... tapi kita jalan roaming arround berdua-an..
dan ... :(

di satu sisi.. seneng karena deket ama dia...
ada yang diperhatiin dan disayang...

di sisi lain... ngerasa ... koq.. bebel banget sih..
udah jelas ditolak.. koq tetep keukeh ama dia...and bukan coba move up.......

Sehat ndak sih.????? :(

Tuesday, June 13, 2006


These days, I try to being cool and not remember that thing.In this weekend. I had a nice moment with all my friends.Mountaineering and I could do a short mountain running.But suddenly, I remembered.... mmm but by the end of the day I promise to myself, "Remembering is OK, but not getting drown in it"but...yesterday, She called and told that we need to speak...mmmm it sounds good.. :Dbut it gives me more feeling to remember... :(mmmm that's tradeoffLet's see what happens this afternoon---It seems like "The Story of Joe" when he asks to the God to leave him alone. But he still keeps asking to the God....does he really want to be alone....

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Good bye... and sorry for my behave

mmm live can be coloful because of it, but the color can be "blue" the one that I like most or others that I hate .. ;)

Sometimes feeling should face with the reality and they need to compromise, in this circumstance mind can be used as a mediator to find the compromisation.......

Today, I should start new "chapter"... mmmm or maybe I MUST.. MUST ... MUST

I need to rid my feeling towards her.. in order to move on.. because this start making her un-comfortable (besides me...of)

Sorry Mary... I need to kill the feeling.. even I believe it's a crime, but I can't afford to make her un-comfortable.

I'll do everything to make her always be "CHEERFUL" with any means and even I should help her to "reach" her dream as she told. I WILL DO... (just recall my word, and I'll help)


P.S: I wish she read

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Live on the mind

I always argue that we live in our mind and not in the reality.
We live to the things that we're thinking about.

Like, wise people says "People sees what they want to see"
so I can mimic by saying "We live in the things that we think about"

We can call somebody crazy, because we don't understand about their thinking. Moreover, their mind/world can not be understood by others. Maybe, crazy people thinks that we are crazy.... because they can't understand of the way we think.

Mind is a central of life. We live to the reality that we think about.

Keep thinking positive, and your life can be positive consequently.

I'm thinking..... she has someone now.
so Consequently, I can start let the feeling go on following my thinking.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Thinking and Feeling

after coming from Austria, it seems ok...everything can go as usual as nothing ever happen.
No feeling and no pain ...

Why this is starting again... :-(
I almost cure.... from my THINGS and these days I starts to feel it again..
and moreover after she was coming back..... :(

Maybe, denying the feeling or killing the feeling is the worst idea to move on.
Try to be rasional is better even not strong enough to compete with feeling

Sometimes, keeping busy is the easiest and smartest idea.... and let the time be a good advisory (as She said).

The more you deny something, actually under beneath your heart is the more you want it
as 3rd rule of Newton --> Action is equal than reaction

so it'd be like that and ever be like that even it's the matter of non physical thing (including feeling)

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Mind and Heart

There are a lot of different between both important things.
Moreover, they seem, sometimes, contradictory.

E.g.: I think I can't do it (as a result of thought), but I want to do that (as a result of belief) even I don't have capability.

But today I realise that there is commonality between them, none in the world can change your mind or heart. Myself is the only one that entitle to change them.

Maybe I can't change your heart and so you can't change my mind not to do it...

Mind and Heart, should do they working together as a partner or as a control balance for the other?

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

No Sadness


maybe it's one of the most human being is afraid of
this feeling is natural, and necessary to appreciate the happiness

We've never felt how is the delicious food if we never feel the awful one.
Since yesterday, I can't feel the sadness anymore.... ;-)

I don't know why... have I already lost my feeling toward her? or there is another thing happen to me without my notice.. :-)

So at least, from now on.. I'm getting rational...Wise People told, "feeling is the matter of heart but you need to keep your mind ON"

and it works to me........

before I told I have a hope but no chance to realise it....and that tought makes me sad and miserable
and now I tell to my self "You always have a chance..., at least the chance to forget the hope"
and keeping busy is the way to forget it.. ;-)

Busy busy busy.... :D

I always says "Smile and the world becomes better"
and now.. I feel her smile makes me sad and happy.. :D (but Happy >> Sad, so I get more Happy than Sad)

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Hope and died....

The true died is once the human is not breath anymore... at least it is a criterion over century ago. Then the human thinks that heart beat is more significant that just only breathing.
Later, we realise that by electric shocking we can still make the heart beating when the peole has already died. And now, the the doctor (especially Coroner) examine the brain function to define the died.

The other notion of died in social term, Erich Fromm argue that the real died happens when we stop to hope something. The only things in the worlds that have no boundary and limitation "thought" and "hope". We can do as far as we want and It can make our life colourful.
Never-never stop for hoping and thinking

Thinking-Hoping or DIED

I'm still the same person with the one in last week. I'm still having a hope of something and doing in any means to achieve it. It makes my life more fruitful.
The only different with last week is Last week I have a chance to realise the hope and now I don't have it anymore.... everything is obvious now.

Since I'm hoping... at least I haven't died yet....
Always learn a good side of everything happens to us and you'll grow your wisdom

Monday, May 15, 2006

Don't kill everything

Killing is the most sin crime.
I tought killing the feeling doesn't put in those criteria.
One of my friend said .. YES.. it is the same, and even worse
and now, I agree ;-)

Love is not the matter of getting the girl or not, but the matter of giving.
I've done the best I can do. Once I fail.. it is just the result, you can do or try the best you can afford, but you can't direct the result.

May GOD, make my dream becomes true.

Erich Fromm, "Love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love"

Tuesday, May 09, 2006


We can do everything if they are on our priority list.. otherwise forget it.
Because it is almost the same hoping star falling from the sky.

If we hope something more than the "normal" limit, so we should prepare be regreat or maybe even..more...

be rational...and act rationally

Monday, March 27, 2006

Bad Day comes...

Fiuh... Finally that day came.

Today, I can judge that it is the worst day I have ever had in the last one year.
The day was starting with something nice and seemed calm and easy.

These facts make me crazy because there is noting tough and hard for today or lately, but suddenly in the afternoon, everything changed and turned up to be bad and maybe even the wrost thing within a year :(

Work and "other" thing,

I think I should concentrate to recover one problem at the time.

mmmmm stop grumbling.... put your mind on working mode...
and ready to solve those problems.

wish me luck...

Bismillahi rahman nirrahim..

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Pride.....Piss off ... when "Enough" is enoungh

"Everybody has their own price and pride"

If you want something you'll do any means to get it.
but the big question... is until when it'll happen?

It could be within a certain timeframe, a certain level effort, or a certain level of pride.
But experience speaking, the first two criteria are nogotiable. It means if the level has passed, we intend to prolong it whereas it is not the case for the last criterion.
Once I touch the level of pride... it almost can't be negotiated again, if it can so.. you can think the "something" must be very pricious for me. must go on.. we can't stay too long in one phase.
Once you get stuck in a certain phase there are two ways: try harder or find other equivalent of phase.

For "this phase", I choose to quit and find other equivalent phase.
Wish me luck guys

Monday, January 23, 2006

Love vs Secretary Problem

Falling love.... it is the most un-describable feeling.

"We never manage something, that we can measure"

is it true for falling love? it is hardly be measured but most of the
people could make it... (instead of me, I think)

Someday ago, I modeled the falling love as Secretary Problem
If we devote to somebody, and then not any more
so there is not point to return back again.

AND I AGREE with this model more than 100%

Maybe this model is too strict
"How about if I realized that my previous girlfriend is better than as I
thought that time?"

"That's your fault. You can't dump something you thought as a waste and
then pick again once you need"

"How about if I moved up, because I think, my effort couldn't be working
out? That's why, if now it is feasible why not keep trying again"

"That's your fault. You have given up too early, and why not keep trying
even harder until the end"

"How about if the girl had boyfriend? And once she broke up, I can try

"That's their fault, why not broke while you were interested on her"

So for the last case, can we back again?
because it is not our fault... ;)

my angel side:
You can back again, whatever the reasons.
Moreover, if it is not your fault.

my devil side:
NO... NO...
Because if you became her boyfriend.
It seems you're the second choice....
don't you mind life as a second choice?

mmmm life.... why you're so complicated....

Albert Einstein, "Everything should be simple, but not simpler"

But sometimes, we moved up because of something that we can't engineer
again. But how about suddenly, if the situation turns to other way.