Monday, June 19, 2006

One and Half....

One and Half has already passed, but it still reminds in my mind... as fresh as a second ago.

Mmmm tonight, I try to being silent and let everything goes as well as it's never happended.
It's tough...and not impossible

Subject has already moved up successfully, and it is not the case for me... One and half months has already passed.. and the feeling are still there and moreover, it is one and half than before.

I shouldn't too hard to my self.... take it slowly and enjoy what is there.... and let the time becoming the advisory...

It's hard but not impossible... :D


Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Sehat ndak ya??

Semalem aku jalan lagi ama dia....
antara kangen, seneng, dan kehilangan...
anehlah rasanya .......

dia dah jelas nolak.... tapi kita jalan roaming arround berdua-an..
dan ... :(

di satu sisi.. seneng karena deket ama dia...
ada yang diperhatiin dan disayang...

di sisi lain... ngerasa ... koq.. bebel banget sih..
udah jelas ditolak.. koq tetep keukeh ama dia...and bukan coba move up.......

Sehat ndak sih.????? :(

Tuesday, June 13, 2006


These days, I try to being cool and not remember that thing.In this weekend. I had a nice moment with all my friends.Mountaineering and I could do a short mountain running.But suddenly, I remembered.... mmm but by the end of the day I promise to myself, "Remembering is OK, but not getting drown in it"but...yesterday, She called and told that we need to speak...mmmm it sounds good.. :Dbut it gives me more feeling to remember... :(mmmm that's tradeoffLet's see what happens this afternoon---It seems like "The Story of Joe" when he asks to the God to leave him alone. But he still keeps asking to the God....does he really want to be alone....

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Good bye... and sorry for my behave

mmm live can be coloful because of it, but the color can be "blue" the one that I like most or others that I hate .. ;)

Sometimes feeling should face with the reality and they need to compromise, in this circumstance mind can be used as a mediator to find the compromisation.......

Today, I should start new "chapter"... mmmm or maybe I MUST.. MUST ... MUST

I need to rid my feeling towards her.. in order to move on.. because this start making her un-comfortable (besides me...of)

Sorry Mary... I need to kill the feeling.. even I believe it's a crime, but I can't afford to make her un-comfortable.

I'll do everything to make her always be "CHEERFUL" with any means and even I should help her to "reach" her dream as she told. I WILL DO... (just recall my word, and I'll help)


P.S: I wish she read

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Live on the mind

I always argue that we live in our mind and not in the reality.
We live to the things that we're thinking about.

Like, wise people says "People sees what they want to see"
so I can mimic by saying "We live in the things that we think about"

We can call somebody crazy, because we don't understand about their thinking. Moreover, their mind/world can not be understood by others. Maybe, crazy people thinks that we are crazy.... because they can't understand of the way we think.

Mind is a central of life. We live to the reality that we think about.

Keep thinking positive, and your life can be positive consequently.

I'm thinking..... she has someone now.
so Consequently, I can start let the feeling go on following my thinking.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Thinking and Feeling

after coming from Austria, it seems ok...everything can go as usual as nothing ever happen.
No feeling and no pain ...

Why this is starting again... :-(
I almost cure.... from my THINGS and these days I starts to feel it again..
and moreover after she was coming back..... :(

Maybe, denying the feeling or killing the feeling is the worst idea to move on.
Try to be rasional is better even not strong enough to compete with feeling

Sometimes, keeping busy is the easiest and smartest idea.... and let the time be a good advisory (as She said).

The more you deny something, actually under beneath your heart is the more you want it
as 3rd rule of Newton --> Action is equal than reaction

so it'd be like that and ever be like that even it's the matter of non physical thing (including feeling)