Live on the mind

I always argue that we live in our mind and not in the reality.
We live to the things that we're thinking about.

Like, wise people says "People sees what they want to see"
so I can mimic by saying "We live in the things that we think about"

We can call somebody crazy, because we don't understand about their thinking. Moreover, their mind/world can not be understood by others. Maybe, crazy people thinks that we are crazy.... because they can't understand of the way we think.

Mind is a central of life. We live to the reality that we think about.

--
Keep thinking positive, and your life can be positive consequently.

I'm thinking..... she has someone now.
so Consequently, I can start let the feeling go on following my thinking.

Thinking and Feeling

after coming from Austria, it seems ok...everything can go as usual as nothing ever happen.
No feeling and no pain ...

Why this is starting again... :-(
I almost cure.... from my THINGS and these days I starts to feel it again..
and moreover after she was coming back..... :(

Maybe, denying the feeling or killing the feeling is the worst idea to move on.
Try to be rasional is better even not strong enough to compete with feeling

Sometimes, keeping busy is the easiest and smartest idea.... and let the time be a good advisory (as She said).

--
The more you deny something, actually under beneath your heart is the more you want it
as 3rd rule of Newton --> Action is equal than reaction

so it'd be like that and ever be like that even it's the matter of non physical thing (including feeling)

Mind and Heart

There are a lot of different between both important things.
Moreover, they seem, sometimes, contradictory.

E.g.: I think I can't do it (as a result of thought), but I want to do that (as a result of belief) even I don't have capability.

But today I realise that there is commonality between them, none in the world can change your mind or heart. Myself is the only one that entitle to change them.

--
Maybe I can't change your heart and so you can't change my mind not to do it...

Mind and Heart, should do they working together as a partner or as a control balance for the other?

No Sadness

Sad..

maybe it's one of the most human being is afraid of
this feeling is natural, and necessary to appreciate the happiness

We've never felt how is the delicious food if we never feel the awful one.
Since yesterday, I can't feel the sadness anymore.... ;-)

I don't know why... have I already lost my feeling toward her? or there is another thing happen to me without my notice.. :-)

So at least, from now on.. I'm getting rational...Wise People told, "feeling is the matter of heart but you need to keep your mind ON"

and it works to me........

before I told I have a hope but no chance to realise it....and that tought makes me sad and miserable
and now I tell to my self "You always have a chance..., at least the chance to forget the hope"
and keeping busy is the way to forget it.. ;-)

Busy busy busy.... :D

--
I always says "Smile and the world becomes better"
and now.. I feel her smile makes me sad and happy.. :D (but Happy >> Sad, so I get more Happy than Sad)

Hope and died....

The true died is once the human is not breath anymore... at least it is a criterion over century ago. Then the human thinks that heart beat is more significant that just only breathing.
Later, we realise that by electric shocking we can still make the heart beating when the peole has already died. And now, the the doctor (especially Coroner) examine the brain function to define the died.

The other notion of died in social term, Erich Fromm argue that the real died happens when we stop to hope something. The only things in the worlds that have no boundary and limitation "thought" and "hope". We can do as far as we want and It can make our life colourful.
Never-never stop for hoping and thinking

Thinking-Hoping or DIED

--
I'm still the same person with the one in last week. I'm still having a hope of something and doing in any means to achieve it. It makes my life more fruitful.
The only different with last week is Last week I have a chance to realise the hope and now I don't have it anymore.... everything is obvious now.

Since I'm hoping... at least I haven't died yet....
--
Always learn a good side of everything happens to us and you'll grow your wisdom

Don't kill everything

Killing is the most sin crime.
I tought killing the feeling doesn't put in those criteria.
One of my friend said .. YES.. it is the same, and even worse
and now, I agree ;-)

Love is not the matter of getting the girl or not, but the matter of giving.
I've done the best I can do. Once I fail.. it is just the result, you can do or try the best you can afford, but you can't direct the result.

May GOD, make my dream becomes true.


Erich Fromm, "Love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love"

Regret....Again

We can do everything if they are on our priority list.. otherwise forget it.
Because it is almost the same hoping star falling from the sky.

If we hope something more than the "normal" limit, so we should prepare be regreat or maybe even..more...

be rational...and act rationally

Bad Day comes...

Fiuh... Finally that day came.

Today, I can judge that it is the worst day I have ever had in the last one year.
The day was starting with something nice and seemed calm and easy.

These facts make me crazy because there is noting tough and hard for today or lately, but suddenly in the afternoon, everything changed and turned up to be bad and maybe even the wrost thing within a year :(

Work and "other" thing,

I think I should concentrate to recover one problem at the time.

mmmmm stop grumbling.... put your mind on working mode...
and ready to solve those problems.

wish me luck...

Bismillahi rahman nirrahim..

Pride.....Piss off ... when "Enough" is enoungh

"Everybody has their own price and pride"

If you want something you'll do any means to get it.
but the big question... is until when it'll happen?

It could be within a certain timeframe, a certain level effort, or a certain level of pride.
But experience speaking, the first two criteria are nogotiable. It means if the level has passed, we intend to prolong it whereas it is not the case for the last criterion.
Once I touch the level of pride... it almost can't be negotiated again, if it can so.. you can think the "something" must be very pricious for me.

But...life must go on.. we can't stay too long in one phase.
Once you get stuck in a certain phase there are two ways: try harder or find other equivalent of phase.

---
For "this phase", I choose to quit and find other equivalent phase.
Wish me luck guys

Love vs Secretary Problem

Falling love.... it is the most un-describable feeling.

"We never manage something, that we can measure"

is it true for falling love? it is hardly be measured but most of the
people could make it... (instead of me, I think)

Someday ago, I modeled the falling love as Secretary Problem
If we devote to somebody, and then not any more
so there is not point to return back again.

AND I AGREE with this model more than 100%

Maybe this model is too strict
Complaint:
"How about if I realized that my previous girlfriend is better than as I
thought that time?"

Answer:
"That's your fault. You can't dump something you thought as a waste and
then pick again once you need"

Complaint:
"How about if I moved up, because I think, my effort couldn't be working
out? That's why, if now it is feasible why not keep trying again"

Answer:
"That's your fault. You have given up too early, and why not keep trying
even harder until the end"

Complaint:
"How about if the girl had boyfriend? And once she broke up, I can try
again"

Answer:
"That's their fault, why not broke while you were interested on her"

So for the last case, can we back again?
because it is not our fault... ;)

my angel side:
You can back again, whatever the reasons.
Moreover, if it is not your fault.

my devil side:
NO... NO...
Because if you became her boyfriend.
It seems you're the second choice....
don't you mind life as a second choice?

mmmm life.... why you're so complicated....

P.S:
Albert Einstein, "Everything should be simple, but not simpler"

But sometimes, we moved up because of something that we can't engineer
again. But how about suddenly, if the situation turns to other way.

Giving an Example vs Being an Example

This writing is well motivated by the case of my best friend.

Maybe people thought both of them are the same.
But in my opinion, They are extreamly different.

Giving an Example
-----------------
I can show you, how :
1. to deal with falling love. I have a bunch way to deal with it
2. you behave with elder
3. ...

Being an Example
----------------
It hardly happens if I do the same thing that I've shown you.
Almost none of those points, I can do it while I'm facing the real situation.

So..I shout to all my friends.
FELL FREE to remind me if I do something that different what I've shown/given to you before. I'm a dumb person (even worse than a donkey)

People says:
"Donkey has never fallen in the same place for the second time"
but how about me?

today.. I learn something from DONKEY..
how about tomorrow..??

Lil’(Little) Thing by Maliq n D'Essentials

Bila saja kau tau yang ku rasakan pada dirimu
Sulit untuk ku katakan betapa aku suka dirimu

Huu setiap kali ku menatapmu kau memberi arti untukku
Mungkinkah kau wanita untukku
Setiap kali ku bersamamu
Semua terasa indah bagiku dan ku tahu

----
Reef:
Every little thing you do it feels so feels so good
It doesn't even have to be understood
You may think I’m crazy when I look at you
I ain’t even can keep my cool

Oh, no, I ain't even can keep my cool
----
Katakan padaku
Bila ada yang membuat kau ragukan aku
Isyaratkan aku
Bila kau memang mau untuk menjadi milikku

Huu setiap kali ku menatapmu kau memberi arti untukku
Mungkinkah kau wanita untukku
Setiap kali ku bersamamu
Semua terasa indah bagiku dan ku tahu

Huu setiap ku menatapmu memberi arti untukku
Huu setiap ku bersamamu terasa indah bagiku
[...]

Love..... Competition

LOVE
some people agree that stuff can make you happy and sad in the same time.
While you are fallin love, normally people can get very fragile and week.
If you get it, you'll become stronger (at least that Maria Luisa's opinion)
but, if you lose it, you'll destroy hahahaha. (cool huh..)

COMPETITION
I says that this one is the main fuel of capitalism. This ideology live because nowadays we always have competition all over the life.
Win or lose, They can bring you becoming stronger.

This characteristic is different with LOVE.
How about if "Love Competition"?
or....how about "Competition Love? are they different?

(to be continue)
[written in the first snowfall in this season and also the others fall]

One thing that I hate a lot

Hihihihi... I'm nearly don't have any people that I hate...
but there is one think, that I hate a lot

Fallin Love...

huh...life becomes not-productive

One Good day comes after 7 bad days

That's the statement of my master HEIKO

Actually, it seems weird, because we can get the bad ones more than the good ones. But in other sense, it will make us more tough than we think.

Today 21st October 2005, maybe the worst day of my life.
1. I loose my place (read: apartment), and I've time less than 10 days to find the new one. Because he informed me today afternoon. And the worst is today is OCTOBER, the new students have just coming and take all the places.
2. I almost miss jummah praying in Ramadhan
3. I have disagreement with my supervisor
4. My research is getting more complicated than we (I and my supervisors) think before. And I have short period to solve it.
5. My supervisor from Toronto will coming in Monday. And the problems are still problem and not become the result.
6. Opera haven't paid back my down-payment for the previous apartment

But anyway, as my motto: "Always seeing the condition in good shape"
There are several good things today:
1. I have many friends in Trento that really friend. All of them are aware and help me to deal with the first problem. Thanks guys.
2. I get temporary for living, in case I couldn't find the place. Thanks for the guys in the next door (read: the door of University). Michelle, Morshed, Robert and Tariq.

Anything else.. I think no.. :(
anyway at least, I have one ups, there is we'll go for small climbing in Sunday (thx for Heiko).

hihihi Thanks God.. :P
Wish me luck

UNCERTAINTY - Died CERTAIN or UNCERTAIN

Today... reading a bunch of article about that notion.
UNCERTAINTY
EVENT
mmmm, I think almost everything in the world is uncertain.
Maybe only died is certain.

The main reason of the uncertainty: ignorance and risk (unpredict event)

Uncertain in: passing the exams, having nice position at workplace, having nice spouse... all of them are fulfill the reson for become uncertainty.

But how about with DIED?
I dont' know (ignorant) how and what is the dead..instead of we don't breath anymore ;p
and this one is we can't predice when this event is occured.
But why it could be categorize as a certain event??
Or maybe we should change something??

--
Hihihi I don't have anything to do now.. and start getting bored.. :P
That's why there is this text

am I miss something??

I heard if .....
I speak if .....
I do if .....
I recieve the consequece if .....

Learn how to become a good listener before you try to be good speaker.
Try to deal with the consequence before you do something.
Thinking before speaking or acting is good.
The question how deep we should thinking?

Thinking and then Acting
or
Thinking thinking...... thinking.. considering... discussion.. [when we will act]

People told that I can take the decision in short period. Maybe because I don't think carefully.. :(
Now, in the work I do exploring reading.. contemplating... and afraid to take the position... ohhh my GOD.. what's going on.. with me

Am I loose something....

2nd week of Ramadhan

This is the first time, I'm starting the fasting months outside my lovely country.
Actually, last year I did the last week of Ramadhan in Trento... My Lovely City.

A lot of people... just wondered why I can survive without drinking and eating almost 14 hours.. hihihihi.
And simple answer: "If you believe something, you will do everything beyond your mind or maybe your ability"

And other question, "What do you expect from the God, for doing this (read: fasting)?"
simple answer: "I don't want anything more, the God has already given anything that I want"

Next Question, "So? what is your motif for doing this?"
answer: "Because It is obligatory as a muslim, and I believe about Islam"

Sometimes, I feel lucky because I believe about the existence of God.
and I know about Islam (thanks mom, you have pushed me a lot to know it)

I'll try to become better.
But now... I'm still far from the good muslim criteria.

--
Sometimes we should believe something, without understanding where it comes from. It is the same when we believe about the Axioms, there is no explanation why it should be like that. But and then we can derive "Huge and Great" Theorem based on those axioms.

Great Present from Christian

Mmm maybe he is not realize, if last week was my birhtday.
But anyway it's ok. ;)
Friday 2nd September 2005, I got nice and sudden mail.

"I have another ticket for the Formula 1 race on sunday in MONZA. If manage to go there let me know and you can have it",Christian said.

Wowww it's like falling star, nice offere and there is no word for "NO", but the problem is in 3rd Sept, I should go for Venice with the new Indonesia Compatriot, but As far as different time, I should manage it.

I went to MONZA with first train from Trento. There is so many people in Milan Central Station, all of them using all article represent each team in Grand Prix F1.



that's cool isn't it

This race was amazing, the sound of every car is too noisy but It's nice.
But I'm not 100% lucky... because my racers (read: Schumi and Kimi) were awful.
Anyway... again..... nice new experience.

Thank a lot for Christian.
Chris, when do we go for climbing again?? Let's do it before winter coming.

Oh ya for picture here

New Indonesian Compatriot

Hip Hip.. Horeeeee
Finallya I have another compatriot instead of Nita and Chandra in Trento.
They are my friends in ITB, hihihihi not like Nita and Chandra (They are coming from other University, read: UI).

Yusi, Tizar, and Hananto. I hope I can get enough Indonesian Food from them.. :P
Rawon, Soto, Cingur, etc... yummy.

Today we go to Venice. This time is my third time, and still without someone significant other.. :(
This time, I'm not quite lucky because The weather is little rain and cloudy.